Much like Pokemon, scientists evolve and develop. There’s no right or wrong in any of these1. For those that don’t know. Pokemon usually start as babies evolve to a mediocre “adult” and some become advanced forms – the final evolution. Rarely with the help of shenanigans, they can become some bullshit like MEGA Pokemon. However, the best Pokemon for this analogy is Eevee. Eevee evolves into multiple forms depending on what you want.
The Eevee/baby form of the scientist is the LAB HANDS.
Your value is that you provide two extra hands.
You no think. You no make decision. You no plan.
You do. You learn.
Then you evolve!
The first and best type is the TINKERER.
When people think of scientist, this is what they picture. However, it is not actually common. The Tinkerer creates. All experiments are fast and crude. Initial hypothesis are bizarre and under baked. You build something shit and do the experiment before you consider much.
In pop culture there are dozens and dozens of examples but the most current is Dr. Ryland Grace in Project Hail Mary. His signature theory is water is not necessary for life2. He makes the big discovery of the book/movie using a cardboard box, some tape and lights. The movie includes a great scene of shopping in Home Depot3.
This is my research type if that was not clear yet.
The second type is the INSTRUMENT SPECIALIST.
This is a controversial type. This scientist knows everything about one machine and one machine only.
On the bright side, they are usually one of of a handful in the world that actually knows what is happening. These people use some unintelligible acronym mashup instrument4.
On the evil side, you have programmers/coders5. If all you can do is code you are insufficient. EVERYONE knows how to code to some degree. It does not matter if you can code 100,000 lines in an hour. I can pay someone 25 cents to do that. A scientist needs to think.
Pop culture examples: This is a tough one to find examples so these are strechs.
Bright side: Arguably Abby Sciuto (NCIS), she solves everything with a Mass Spectrophotometer. She has other skills but MS is her real ability.
Bad side: Any hAcKeR. All of them are dumb as rocks man.
Next up is the TECHNICIAN. Unfortunately the most common type nowadays. This person is great at doing things in the lab. Anything. Everything. Wide and not deep. This person can execute the experiments but is very deficient in planning, and thinking it through. A lot of professors/Principal Investigators (PI)/advisors love having these as students because they are the super lab hands. You can mind control them. However, it is a disservice to the student. They need to learn how to do science. Not experiments.
Pop culture example: I can’t think of any. They don’t make good characters.
Ah, the psychic type. It is the THOUGHT EXPERIMENTALIST.
Actually doing experiments is pedestrian. You gotta think about them first and divine project logically what will happen. When you settle on the perfect experiment, you go and do it. Does it work exactly how you thought? Don’t ask, don’t tell.
Pop culture example: MCU Bruce Banner. Hulk is one of the most egregious cases of bad science writing. NO ONE NEEDS MORE THAN ONE PHD. In the Marvel Cinematic Universe, he is the mystical negro/old wise man character. Everyone comes to him and asks questions and he has a monologue that is an inelegant infodump. Every time this happens he has a scenario and/or example. Banner rarely does an actual experiment.
Time for the most misunderstood type. The MODELER.
Nowadays, a lot of people think of modelers as programmers that model reactions, molecules, economic outcomes, etc. However, the modeler is the oldest version of scientist or philosopher. Explaining the world with things you understand is what science is all about. What the general public think as a “theory” is what a “model” is. Models explain a phenomenon until it doesn’t. It requires experiments to prove it. All them old timey scientists were modelers.
Pop culture example: I don’t have a good one. In a ridiculous reach we have, Leonard (Big Bang Theory). That’s what he says he does.
The kissing cousin of the Modeller is the THEORIST.
These people do no experiments, just thinking and theorizing. It is a common affliction in physicists. However, the most well know case is Darwin. The man observed, read, copied, edited and adapted the best know theory of our time. Experiments by other people are done, usually after. Only the great ones are not relegated to a eternal joke.
Pop culture example: Another BBT character. Sheldon has no skills except galaxy brain thinking.
Now we present the most hated type: SCIENTIST IN NAME ONLY.
Another very common stereotype. These people go through the motions of getting an advanced degree to give themselves status. Attach a Dr. to a villain and bang it’s cool and dangerous. Talking heads on tv are this type. A lot of not-scientists try to posture as one of these. Most common with medical doctors and programmers/coders that got lucky sometime ago6.
Pop culture example: Indiana Jones. Let’s review this man’s career. He is a Professor of archaeology, allegedly, at a fictional Marshall College. Got his PhD at University of Chicago7. Spends most of his time gallivanting around the world. Only funding source is the home institution. He does not make any meaningful discoveries! Terrible archeological skills.
The not-scientist that people think are one example is Benjamin Franklin “Ben” Gates aka Nicholas Gates in National Treasure. He has “degrees” in history and mechanical engineering and was a diver in ROTC. Disgraceful.
Now is the final type. It is where the Eevee model dies. It is the VISIONARY.
The Visionary does not evolve from the Lab Hands. Instead, it comes from the other eeveelutions. This is the person that seats in his office and does none of things described above. One day they were one of those types. Now they are way past that and have a title like Distinguished. They tend to never retire and will probably die working.
Pop culture examples: Another very common trope. Professor X/Charles Xavier (X-Men), Professor Oak (Pokemon series), etc. etc.
WHAT EEVEELUTION ARE YOU?
- Who am I kidding? There is a definitive wrong in there. ↩︎
- All vibes based. ↩︎
- I think. ↩︎
- GC-MS, LC-MS, GC-IR, LC-NMR are easy mode. (SPE)-NMR, though. ↩︎
- And gene people. qPCR is NOT that deep. There is no such thing as a CRISPR-Cas9 specialist anymore. ↩︎
- Nate Silver. ↩︎
- HUGE RED FLAG. YUGE ↩︎
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