Game shows: the true Christmas magic

Nothing says I’m on vacation like watching a random assortment of people debase themselves for money.

Here’s a rundown of the crazy shit I saw over the Holidays in order of coming into my brain.

Lingo (CBS): A remake from the 80s. Basically a wordle game. It features Ru Paul not in drag making corny jokes and pathetic payouts. 10/10

The Price is Right at Night (CBS): Same old. The crowd looks a bit more diverse nowadays. The prizes are still ridiculous. Some of these advertisers are hella suspicious. It always feels like they are figure it out on the fly. 10/10

Wheel of Fortune (CBS): Pat Sajak is leaving. Pray Be. He has his daughter getting some cash on the way out. Hoping for someone better next because the game is actually fun to follow along and guess. 10/10

Loteria Loca (CBS): Lo-te-riiiiiiiiii-aaaa. Cue the hockey tweet:

That is exactly what this game is. Crazy money. It’s basically bingo with random Spanish thrown in. No real strategy needed except for the finale. In it you have 16 good squares and 4 skull (that look like la muerte) that half your prize. If you get a bingo before a skull you take the money and run. But you get a skull first, go all the way to try and get the million dollars. 12/10

Funny you should ask (no clue): the comedian refugee program. Jokes are hit and miss. Prizes low. Not really a game show honestly 10/10.

Family Feud (ABC): Steve Harvey wearing insane outfits, pretending to be horrified at the answers, bantering with the participants. It’s fun. 10/10

Name That Tune (FOX): All I saw was one song. It was Dynamite. Not that one. 10/10

The Weakest Link (NBC): I only saw the Christmas special. They had a bunch of Santas and Mrs Santas plus one guy with antlers. Jane Lynch is great but the game itself has a lot of problems. If you like trivia it’s cool to shout the answer before they can. 10/10

Jeopardy (CBS): After Alex Trebek, it’s been a shitshow. The hosts are not good. The game itself is too gamed. 10/10

The $100,000 Pyramid (ABC): It’s a statement of how poor the economy is that it is called $100,000 Pyramid like in the 1980s. The CPI Inflation Calculator says it should be $290,754.50 which granted does not roll off the tongue but you can round it up to a tidy $300,000. 10/10

Password (NBC): Resurrected solely to give Jimmy Fallon more air time. It is the most cheating friendly game show and I am here for it. 10/10

I did not see the Match Game at all. Cursory googling says it got canceled in 2021. Oh well.